Monday, November 30, 2009

Day 59 - Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

I still have to wait 4 more days until my beta blood test!

My embryos are 13 days old now...surely my doctor could have let me come in earlier, but no, December 4th is the earliest day they are willing to see me. Ugh!!! This wait is tortuous!! No matter how torturous, I refuse to do an 'at home' pregnancy test. I have peed on so many test sticks so many times over the last 2 and a half years, all of which broke my heart, so I refuse to do that this time. I have gotten to the point where I feel like they are bad luck, so no matter how hard it is to wait, I'm going to wait until I get that phone call from my doctor's office.

Ben and I are really holding on to our hope...trying to anyway. I still really believe that there is a good possibility that this wait can end in joy, but as the days keep ticking by the fear keeps lurking around in the shadows scaring me half to death. I am holding on to my hope with all that I have because just the fear itself of getting bad news is almost more that I can take. After all this time, hope and money I'm not sure what we would do if we get crushed AGAIN. Imagining it scares me SO much so I keep doing my best to just not to go there.

All I know for sure is that in 4 days we will either be floating on air with happiness or we will hit the floor in sadness. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

9 comments:

  1. Wow I didn't realize how long they're making you wait! For some reason I thought 12/4 would be 14DPO (9dpt5dt), but that would be tomorrow right?

    Can you call and beg them to let you come in sooner? You are stronger than me to hold out on POAS. I broke on this very same day. What are your symptoms (if any) today?

    P.S. I updated my blog with my 2nd beta and more symptoms for you.

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  2. Ugh I'm upset for you that they won't let you in earlier. There should DEFINITELY be enough HCG for a good test by today even. Geeze, tomorrow would be a normal cycle's CD28! I had my first beta on this day (13dpo)! I'm so sorry for the extra wait :( I agree about holding out on the HTP for sure!! Keep strong, you'll make it! Hopefully the work week will be busy and distracting.

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  3. Wow, you will be in my prayers!! I know the wait is so dreadful. I am scared silly of HPT's, too, so you are definitely not alone!!

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  4. I would wait it out too. You're either pregnant or not and taking tests won't change it. But I'm even excited to hear the results!!!

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  5. Friday! I can't believe they are making you wait that long. You are strong by waiting that long. You are in my thoughts!

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  6. My clinic tests 18 days post trigger shot no matter when they transfer. It definitely feels like torture. Let that HCG build and build so that when you get that number on Friday you can rest assured! Don't make yourself crazy(ier) by taking a test at home - there's too good of a chance that it won't be accurate either way. I know it's hard, but you can do it!!!

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  7. I am a HPT test hater too. Those things never told me anything I wanted to hear, so I would rather not take them. Hoping for good news on Friday!

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  8. WTG on avoiding the HPTs! I agree with you...they're evil! :-) Hoping and praying for wonderful news right along with you!

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