Friday, April 30, 2010

Weekly Update

How far along: 25 weeks, 2 days

Total Weight Gain: 15 lbs

Symptoms: Constant peeing!!

Sleep: Much better this week. Hopefully it keeps going this way.

Movement: Every day, but her kicks always seem to be be very low, like her feet are determined to stay right on top of my bladder. I thought that fetuses at this stage did more flipping about, but my baby girl seems happy to stay in the same position...give or take an inch...or so it seems from my end. I occasionally feel a tap around my belly button area, but I think those are her arms and head...who knows! I wish my belly were translucent like a fish bowl so I could watch her in there...I know, I'm a freak!

Food Cravings: Chipotle Steak Burritos...yum!

What I Miss: My memory! I seem to be so forgetful these leaving my car doors open at night with the GPS inside and forgetting my yoga mat in the yoga studio, etc.... just simple things, but they keep adding up and it's bugging me!! I feel like such an airhead some days!

What am I looking forward to: Our next doctor's appointment!! (May 12th) I feel like each one resets my confidence and they always make me feel better. I'm just paranoid sometimes and even though I try to stop, it creeps up on me. Guess this is just the lineage that infertility leaves behind. Grr.

Milestones: Finishing my registry!! Seriously this may sound silly to some, but for me it was a real learning curve. I avoided all things baby when I couldn't get pregnant so now that this is real and actually happening for us I had to get out there and learn about all these things. I've called a lot of friends and researched a lot of products to determine which the best products are and what some of the things I really don’t need are. It feels good to finally be up to speed on baby gear so now when people say things like "travel system" I know what they're talking about!

How is Daddy? Great! He's going on a business trip next week, which I always hate, but at least this is his last one before Baby Morgan arrives!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Weekly Update

How far along: 24 weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain: 14 lbs (wow...2 lbs in one week! I guess this is when the weight starts adding up fast!)

Symptoms: My boobs are starting to change...darker nipples with trace amounts of clear fluid. I guess my ta-tas are getting ready to make some milk. So weird and kind of exciting!!

Sleep: Not so good the last couple of nights. It's not so much that I'm uncomfortable it's just that I've been waking up so many times that the night doesn't feel restful. Rolling over in bed is getting tougher and I'm more aware of trying to stay off my back and on my left side. I guess I'd better get used to it...this is just nature's way of preparing me to never have a long night's sleep ever again...or a least for a VERY long time once Morgan arrives.

Best Moment Last Week: Meeting our Doula and deciding that she will be an invaluable part of my birthing team.

Movement: Not as much these days. I think baby had flipped and turned inward and has her feet burrowed down near my bladder and cervix so every time I stand up I feel like I have to pee even if I don't or I feel a sharp pain on my cervix. Also some of her kicks seem to be going inward toward my organs so they feel strange and not as intense since my placenta is on the back wall of my uterus. I liked it better when she had her limbs facing out and when she was upside down so I can feel and see her leg kicks more. Oh long as she's comfy, I'm happy.

Food Cravings: Frozen Snickers Bars...bad I know, but SO good!!!!

What I Miss: Nothing this week.

What am I looking forward to: Getting everything figured out on my registry...its a work in progress right now while I research products and ask experienced moms about there recommendations.

Milestones: Making it to viability (Fetus has a 50% of surviving outside the womb and odds just continue to increase from here.)

How is Daddy? Wonderful. We are so in love as we await the arrival of our miracle baby. This feels like a honeymoon of sorts. It's just so nice to have the weight of the infertility struggle lifted off us. We can make love again and not think about trying to conceive. We laugh easier and feel lighter in general. In a way we feel like the war is over and it’s a time of happiness and celebration!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Natural Childbirth and hiring a DOULA!

Having a natural, un-medicated, childbirth is very important to me. I really believe I can do it and I think it's what will be best for me and my baby. (I am by no means condemning pain drugs or obstetrical tools because I believe that they can be beneficial and necessary in certain times and places.) But for me, if there are no complications, I think that laboring and delivering naturally is what is best. I will be able to feel what is going on therefore I will be able to follow my own instincts and rhythm. Women have done this since the beginning of time so I have faith that I will be able to do it too.

No, I am not a hippy. I paint my nails pink, shave my armpits and wear pearls. I use Clorox cleaning products in my kitchen, and I don't even like granola. So that’s not what this is about. It's just what I believe is best for me and our baby. I am somewhat of a control freak so the idea of being hooked up to an epidural (in my SPINE) which would prohibit me from moving out of bed, and necessitate being catheterized to drain my urine is enough motivation (I hope) for me to endure the pain so I can hold on to my freedom through out my labor.

Yes, I know it is going to hurt worse than I could ever imagine, but I am choosing not to be afraid of the pain. Instead I look at is like this: What won't kill me will make me stronger. I can endure anything for one day. Millions and millions of women have experienced natural labor and lived to talk about it, so I believe the same can be true for me.

Why do I want to do this? Why would I choose to be in immense pain? There are a lot of reasons….too many to list, but mostly it's just what my gut tells me. Ben and I had such a hard time conceiving as we had to use so many interventions to get here. A doctor literally selected which sperm would unite with which egg and physically injected that sperm into my egg. If I think about it too much it makes my head spin. By choosing a natural birth we feel that were are taking some of our power back from medical technology. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the interventions available and that we were able to afford it, and even more so that it worked for us. But at the time we had to succumb all our trust and faith over to a doctor and his medical process. Now I'm ready to take some of that back. I want to do this on my own without the help of doctors, technology and medicine. I want to feel human again and what is more human than giving birth naturally?

I have known this about myself from the beginning of my pregnancy. I selected my doctor because of his reputation for supporting women in their desire to give birth naturally. At our last appointment we were discussing my birth plan and he suggested that maybe a doula would be something we would find helpful. We met with one our doctor recommended this past weekend and I liked her very much. For those who don't know what a doula does here is a snipped from her resume that explains a little:

"I have been in practice for 26 years, and trained through ALACE (Association of labor Assistants and Childbirth Educators). I am very committed to helping women achieve a positive, informed, and powerful birth experience. My personal philosophy about birthing is that every woman is unique, and each of her birth experiences will also be unique. Some women need and desire lots of physical support during labor (back massage, compresses, help with positions, etc); other women need more emotional support; and others need only a "guide" along the way. Most moms need a bit of each! I feel that I am very flexible and realistic and will attempt to help each mom get to where she needs to be in order to achieve a wonderful birthing experience. I believe that a doula's role is to educate and support the mother in achieving the kind of birth she wants. I also strongly encourage the father to become as involved as he is able and willing, and am happy to guide them through this process."

After our doctor's appointment, I was on the fence about hiring a doula. I just wasn’t sure… It was Ben who really encouraged that we meet with her to see about what she can offer us. Ben wants to be as supportive as he can possibly be during my labor, but knows that he doesn't have all the tools and experience that a doula could bring us. He believes that it will be a better experience for both of us if we have someone who is devoted entirely to helping me through each phase of labor and delivery.

Can I really do it…natural childbirth? This is where a doula comes in. I believe with the help and support of my husband AND our doula that I will be able to reach my goal. I know there are going to be moments during my labor where I will wonder what the hell I was thinking, but I'm hoping that her support and experience will pull me through. That she can show me a position that will help with the pain or massage my back, encourage me to walk, or get in a warm shower when I feel like giving up.

The best part of her service is that she comes to our house as soon as I feel that labor is starting. This way I can labor at home through the early stages instead of going to the hospital too early. I know Ben and I are going to feel scared and anxious and having someone with us who has over 25 years of experience watching women labor will be very comforting. We will be able to trust her to tell us when the right time to head to the hospital will be. Ideally I would like to get there once I’m in active labor (4-8 cm dilated) so that I won’t have too many hours left before its time to push. I know for many first time moms early labor (going from 0-4 cm) can take many hours and I would rather be at home in my own bed, shower, floor, couch etc instead of pacing the white halls of a hospital.

Our doula is planning on visiting us at home for two prenatal visits prior to 37 weeks so that we can get to know each other and share any thoughts, anxieties or concerns that they may arise. In a way it feels like we are hiring a personal nurse to be 100% focused on me and my needs during L&D. I know the hospital assigns a nurse to each laboring woman but their main concern in monitoring the baby….which is GREAT, but I’ll be glad to have someone else whose main concern in MY wellbeing. I feel really good about our decision to hire this doula.

I know that certain things can and may happen that could keep me from achieving a natural childbirth. For example maybe our baby goes into distress because of the cord being compressed and she stops receiving an adequate amount of oxygen or maybe she is in the breeched position in which case I will need a cesarean. I recognize that these situations and others like them may happen, but they are very rare, so I’m choosing to plan for a “textbook” delivery all the while making sure I’m educated on all the possible scenarios. I am not going to say that I think drugs are bad, because it might happen that I need them or change my mind and decide to ask for them. I am trying to keep an open mind and be as well informed and prepared as possible. I am going with my gut now and it says, “Natural birth is best for me.” I hope that I can continue to follow my instincts all the way through my labor and up to moment of my baby’s delivery. I truly believe that having the support of a doula will help me achieve this.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Doctor's Appointment & Quiz

We had our monthly appt with the doc today. Everything checked out great! Baby's HB was 170 and she was all kicks and jumps during the appointment. I love the swooshing sounds that makes on the doppler. I am so in love with her already!! Here's a picture from today...
Weekly quiz...

How far along: 23 weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain: 12 lbs

Symptoms: A little heartburn recently...nothing a couple Tums can't fix. Other than that I feel fantastic!

Stretch Marks: Yeah I got some small ones...I'm not going to answer this question anymore. Stretch marks are inevitable and I'm not going to bring myself down every week thinking about them. It's a very small price to pay be able to experience pregnancy. Something I prayed and prayed to experience, so f*ck the stretch marks!! It's not like I was planning on wearing a bikini ever again anyway!! Haha

Sleep: I sleep very well! Lots of crazy dreams though....

Best Moment Last Week: Ben finally got to feel the baby kick. Her head was down so her legs were pointing up and she was kicking just above my belly button. He put his hand on my belly and right then and she kicked harder than ever before twice directly under his palm. Both times Ben short of jumped with surprise, wide-eyed and yelled, "Wow!" "Wow!" It was so Baby Morgan knew it was her daddy and wanted to make sure he could feel her in there.

Movement: Every day...all the time. I love it!!!

Food Cravings: Fresh T O M A T O E S !!! Seriously I have been on a 'mater rampage. I've made caprese salads, bruschetta, BLT (heavy on the T) sandwiches, tomato and basil on name it! I've liked tomatoes in the past but recently they have been the best things on earth. Yum!

What I Miss: Being able to shave my lady business...I can't see over my belly anymore and I hate pubic hair. I mean I REALLY hate it!! I have always shaved (yeah...ALL of it) regularly so this is a new obstacle for me. I am considering getting a Brazilian wax...but I'm a little afraid. A) I know it hurts, but just how much?? And B) Pregnant lady getting a Brazilian? I'm afraid of the waxer person thinking I'm crazy or worse yet that I'm an over weight, pregnant stripper-hoe or something...what should I do???? Please help! Anyone who has experience in the field please fill me in!!

What am I looking forward to: Figuring out how to solve the problem listed above...

Milestones: Seeing baby kick on the outside for the first time this week and Ben being able to feel her move too!

How is Daddy? The best daddy ever!! He left work and drove all the way across town to meet me at the doctor's. Today was the shortest of appointments...a short weight in, blood pressure check, a quick listen to baby's HB, then pee in a cup and out the door. Super quick, but Ben wanted to be there with me and the baby. He is so supportive and interested and it makes me feel so loved. Today we are celebrating 5 years together and I still get those butterflies when I think about how much I love him. I am such a lucky Momma!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Thanks everyone for your comments yesterday. I wrote the previous post because the news at the baby shower rocked me to my infertile core. The experience brought back all the horrid feelings of when I had to be around others who were pregnant when we were struggling after a failed IVF. I just hated to be the catalist of the akwardness and somehow that made me take on some of her pain. I guess old habbits (and mind sets) die hard!! I know there was no way for me to know and my other friends have all said they are SO sorry for not giving me the heads up. It's just a heart breaking senario that I've read about but to be there and be the one who brought it up was a doozy! Thanks again for all your loving and supportive comments. I love this community!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

I feel so terrible!!

 I went to a sweet baby shower on Saturday for a friend of mine who is also having a little girl. The weather was gorgeous and it just seems like the perfect day for such an event. When I walked in I was greeted by the three hosts who are all good friends to the mother-to-be. I gave everyone a hug and was really glad to be there with such a nice group of ladies. As I walked in the kitchen the host, whose house it was, offered me a "non-alcoholic" beverage since everyone else was drinking a champagne punch. I smiled and accepted. Last time I saw her, two months ago, she had just announced that she was 10 weeks pregnant. I loved hearing the news as I was only 4 weeks ahead of her so I instantly envisioned all the fun play groups we would have with all these pregnant girls expecting around the same time! As she handed me a glass of sparkling juice I happily asked her if she had found out if she was having a boy or a girl yet. Her face went straight and she said, "I just lost the baby last week." Her pain stung through my core and I felt SO stupid for asking her that question...especially in front of 3 or 4 other women. Of course I said I was so, so sorry. The mood totally changed int he room. I felt sick as she awkwardly changed the subject. She was very gracious and moved through the party as if nothing bad had happened recently and that someone (ME) hadn't brought that pain right to the surface with her question. She was amazing.

I enjoyed watching the big bellied momma open her gifts and smile at all her friends for being there celebrating this with her, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t fully focus. I kept thinking about what it must have been like for the host. How the hell could she still hold her head high at a baby shower at HER house after loosing her own baby only a short week before at 18 weeks along? Talk about a nightmare!!

I wanted to go hug her and tell her that her news made me hold back tears. I didn't know what to do. I left the party feeling like a complete ass for bringing it up. How was I supposed to know....She still looked pregnant because it had JUST happened!! I feel terrible for her and all the women who have lived through this. It is just heartbreaking!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Quiz and a belly pic...

How far along: 21 weeks, 6 days
Total Weight Gain: 10.5 lbs
Symptoms: I feel fantastic all the time. I LOVE being pregnant. Even on days that I feel a little off, I just can't bring myself to complain...I have everything I have wished so hard for!!
Stretch Marks: A few...figure they are inevitable. I still use my Palmer's lotion every day just in case it might help.
Sleep: I sleep really well. Have to get up to pee once or twice a night, but I've gotten used to it.
Best Moment Last Week: Feeling her kick on the outside for the first time!
Movement: All the time!! She kicks harder and harder each day. Her Kung Foo moves even woke me up the other night. I LOVE the constant confirmation that she is doing well. And it melts my heart every time I feel her move. I am so in love!!!
Food Cravings: Chocolate milk and deviled eggs....don't ask.
What I Miss: Nothing...except a cold beer here and there now that the weather is warm and wonderful. :)
What am I looking forward to:  Going to Becoming Mom Spa...a place here in Cincinnati that does the whole 3D/4D experience. I am not scheduled to get another u/s from my doc until 34 weeks....yeah, like I can wait that long!! Plus we are eager to see what her face looks like!! I think we will go in the next month or so.
Milestones: Getting her nursery completed!
How is Daddy? Anxious to feel her kick. We keep trying but she always seems to stop her acrobatics as soon as his hand is on my belly. Maybe he'll be really good at soothing her to sleep when she comes out cause he seems to be doing that really well now. :)

Here are a couple photos from our weekend. We took our Jack Russell, Bunny, to the dog park to play some fetch since the weather was perfect...I LOVE spring!!

Thursday, April 1, 2010


This nursery has been my pride and joy for the last couple weeks as we await the birth of our true pride and joy, MORGAN! I themed her nursery with flowers since they are some of my favorite things on Earth. What's prettier than a flower... or a baby girl??
The arm chair is a glider....and so comfy especially since I put the faux bear skin pelt on it!! I'm sure we'll use the fluffy pelt on the floor once Morgan is ready to sit up by herself. It's so fun to picture these things!
For those of you who have been reading my blog for a might remember the dish of marble eggs in this photo? They we my lucky eggs I bought while I was going through IVF #2...they must be really lucky cause they worked and we're pregnant!! I figured they have to live in the babies room! I also especially like the all the curtains I cinched with an orchid flower.  (yeah it's not a real flower)
My dad made this corner cabinet years ago, and it was in the house I grew up in. I recently painted it so it would match the new baby came out perfectly! I can't wait to tell our baby girl that her grandfather made this piece of furniture!
We have a baby gate up already to train our dogs so that they know they are not allowed in this room. Sorry only! Fortunately its one of those gates that swings open and shut easily so its no trouble for humans to come in and out of the room...especially when we'll be carrying our little Morgan!
This is a view of the Ohio River just east of downtown Cincinnati from my glider...I love this view and I know I will look at it a lot when I sit there to nurse her.
The chair with the bunny on it was given to me when I was 5 years old and it was in the room I grew up feels so special to be able to use it in my daughter's room after all these years!!
See the doggies at that gate? It works! :)

I'm waiting for her first baby picture for the frame on the left. The one with the pregnant bean is a card my mother sent me when we first learned we were pregnant. I have always been called "Bean" by my parents so the card was very fitting and extremely special since my mom had been saving it for 5 years hoping that some day she would be able to surprise me with it!! It says, "Bean Expecting?"
I glued rhinestones in the center of these flowers to make them more just don't show how glittery and pretty they make the room look!
I glued the rhinestones on all of the frames too...and I did the flower collages in the frames! I had so much fun creating all of these. I'm really looking forward to the day when Morgan and I can go through all the pictures on the wall and name each kind of flower together....daffodil, lily, orchid,  hydrangia, rose, etc..
I decorated this lampshade's a one of a kind!! And that's a framed picture of our first ultrasound at 7 weeks....can't believe it's been 15 weeks since then!!! Only 18 more to go til baby girl gets here!!!!

Sorry I posted SO many pictures...I guess it just shows how much I love her baby room!! It think it looks so pretty in person...its so hard to capture a room in photos...that's why I posted so many pictures! :) 

I know that when she's born some of the flowers and breakables on the surfaces will be replaced with more useful things like wipe warmers and stacks of diapers, etc, etc. I also know that her room wont always look so perfect, but for now I'm enjoying it all set up. The things that get put up when she's a toddler can come back out again when she's a little's all part of the fun!!

Thanks for looking at these photos and sharing in my excitement!!