Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 38 - Stop Trying?

It happened to me again the other day just after I shared with a new friend that I was in the middle of trying IVF for the second time. She told me a story of someone she knows who tried and tried all kinds of interventions to get pregnant to no avail. Low and behold after six months of giving up she spontaneously got pregnant on her own! Why does everyone have a story like that? And why do they all feel the need to share it with those of us who are brave enough to talk about our own trouble conceiving. I know that 99% of the time these stories are told to us to make us feel better. To give us hope that as soon as we "stop trying" it's possible that a baby could be right around the corner. (But when we're in the midst of spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to get closer to parenthood, these stories are more like a thorn in our me!) I do recognize that they are meant with all good intention, so I do my best to treat them that person. It's when I'm alone that I start to stew over it.

So basically what I've been told over and over and over, by many, is that once we "stop trying" that's when it will happen for us. (Forget the fact that our doctors have told us that we have less 1% chance of conceiving on our own based on scientific evidence...clearly it's all in our heads!)

It seems that the same goes for meeting the "the one." I remember when I was single, I was told (over and over)that as soon as I stop looking that's when the right man will just walk into my life. Oddly, that's sort of what happened to me. It was more like I met him in last place I would have expected, so I wasn't looking....that night. But for years leading up to that chance meeting I had said a lot of prayers that God would guide me to him. With the combination of luck, preparation and maybe God, there he was, and it was perfect! It has been ever since! And for this I know I am so blessed.

Has anyone heard the saying, "If there is a will, there is a way?" I'm pretty sure this advice has been used millions of times in human history. It's a way to push an individual or a group to aggressively go after something they want to achieve. If you want it bad enough, then it's possible to make it a reality by persevering and never giving up. Scholars have used this mentality to achieve great honors and recognition. Athletes use this motto to break records and win gold medals. People take on this mind frame to get promoted at work. Even average Joes use it to finish do-it-yourself projects around the house. People who live this way are widely regarded as strong characters who set important examples of how to live a productive and meaningful life.

I believe that if you want meaningful things to come into your life you must being willing to work hard for it. Thoughout my life I have been pushed to be better by my parents, my teachers and professors, my employers, and even by my peers. Pushed to be more determined, have a stronger willpower and, most importantly, to NEVER GIVE UP. I find it so interesting that two very important things in life, education and career, are achieved by rigorous resolve and determination, but the MOST important thing in life (for me), FAMILY, is the area that people tell me to just "stop trying" for it to happen successfully.

I have worked hard in my life from my first job at McDonalds when I was 15 to playing varsity sports, graduating college with honors, working for tough employers, maintaing my realtionships and values to now working hard to create my own family. I will never give up or stop trying...never.


  1. OH Cilla, Those of us who are not in your shoes, have no idea what to say or not to say. It's only after you say this that I try to remember things I have said, not a clue that it would bother you and feel terrible! I am sorry for any times I have unconsciously hurt you, said the absolute wrong thing, or implied to know what your pain involves.

    I'm sure all those you talk to are also not aware and would feel awful to know they hurt you as well.

  2. You are sweet to comment and worry that you have hurt me. I can assure you that I KNOW you say everything out of care and compassion since you are such a dear friend. I really dont want you to feel terrible for any reason at all!! I did not write this blog to convey any residual pain over people's comments or advice. I definitely know that my friends don't say things hurt me and I know that they are not aware of my hyper sensitivity. I merely write it to process thoughts I have...I can't expect that every single person in my life will understand me. I've accepted PLEASE don't worry about what you can and can't say to me. Infertility is a bear becuase it not only effects your ability to have children, but it attacks your self-esteem, your confidence and it allows certain comments to hit below the belt when they shouldn't.

  3. I can't say I understand that. Only because I'm pretty "hush hush" about us having difficulties. Very few people know. They also know what a touchy subject it is for us, so they pretty much stear clear of it.

    But I can totally agree with finding "the one" I'm proof of that! The world works in mysterious ways!

  4. Keri:

    I can understand the "hush hush" since my DH and I were very private about it too for the first year and a half especially since we were dealing with MF, but after so much time and a failed IVF we felt like we needed to stop hiding behind the veil of IF. Being open about it and having the support from our family and friends has been very beneficial for us (even if sometimes people say things that upset us.)

  5. I just meant it as a recgonition from all of us. The world... I'm sorry, in general, that you, and others, have to go through this.
    I'm not hurt, I'm glad to know and learn these things! You are helping so many people with issues and hey, even those who may not. (For the record to other people who read this... I don't have kids, nor have we tried to get pregnant, so I have NO CLUE if I will or won't have issues...) I'm just learning along the ride.

  6. recognition (sorry I forgot to spell check!)

  7. Thanks for commenting on my blog!! I sure hope we will both be due in August!! I will be praying for you!