I still have to wait 4 more days until my beta blood test!
My embryos are 13 days old now...surely my doctor could have let me come in earlier, but no, December 4th is the earliest day they are willing to see me. Ugh!!! This wait is tortuous!! No matter how torturous, I refuse to do an 'at home' pregnancy test. I have peed on so many test sticks so many times over the last 2 and a half years, all of which broke my heart, so I refuse to do that this time. I have gotten to the point where I feel like they are bad luck, so no matter how hard it is to wait, I'm going to wait until I get that phone call from my doctor's office.
Ben and I are really holding on to our hope...trying to anyway. I still really believe that there is a good possibility that this wait can end in joy, but as the days keep ticking by the fear keeps lurking around in the shadows scaring me half to death. I am holding on to my hope with all that I have because just the fear itself of getting bad news is almost more that I can take. After all this time, hope and money I'm not sure what we would do if we get crushed AGAIN. Imagining it scares me SO much so I keep doing my best to just not to go there.
All I know for sure is that in 4 days we will either be floating on air with happiness or we will hit the floor in sadness. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...
3 weeks ago