So in honor of my 100th post and now that my count down ticker is under 60 days I am going to try to pick up my blogging pace. I have been slacking for some months now, posting something only once a week or less. And recently I have had at least 3 or 4 people give me the advice to soak this time up. That these last couple months of pregnancy go by fast, and I will always reflect back on them and miss them once they are over. So moms out there who have given this advice, consider it heard! I plan to write everyday, OK maybe not every day, but as often as I can so I can soak this time up and have this writing to reflect back on! After all, I have not forgotten how difficult this one pregnancy was for us to attain and I am aware that it might be my only, so I definitely want to cherish this time and not be in a hurry for it to be over (even though I can't wait to meet my baby)!
Days left until my due date: 58
Wow! I remember when I first created that ticker on the side of my blog and it was somewhere around 265 days to go. At the time I was a little afraid to post it thinking that it might jinx me or something. It really is hard to believe that we are in our final two month stretch! I am going to have a baby in TWO MONTHS! It still seems surreal to think about despite all the planning, baby kicks and the crib set up in our house. I bet all first time moms feel this way no matter how they conceived. There is this great sense that life as we know it is about to change forever and there is only so much we can really do to be ready. It's hard to picture oneself in a role they have never been in before. Mother. That is a huge responsibility!
There are people in this world who have always gravitated towards towards babies and children. They are just at ease and its totally naturally for them to interact with these youngsters. My only (and older) sister was always like this. I was not. She was a serious baby sitter all through high school, I worked at the mall in a bathing suit boutique. As a teenager I just wasn't drawn to children the way she was. Bottom line, now, I have no experience!
At this point I am completely relying on those "instincts" everyone talk about. "Oh it's different when it's your own baby." "You'll know just what to do." "It'll come naturally to you, don't worry."
I hope so!! Some days I can totally picture myself being completely confident with my infant. Like I've always known how to do this. I can picture myself calming her cries and changing her diapers. Bath time? No problem. It's all good. My instincts are leading the way and I am doing a fabulous job.
Then there are days when I picture myself trying to breastfeed my baby and I get totally overwhelmed. How am I going to do that? Is it really going to work? Can I really help my baby stop crying? Will I be able to determine what she needs? Am I going to be able to handle not sleeping for days and weeks on end? I feel totally unprepared!
I'm imagine motherhood is exactly a combination of what I have just described. Some days I'll be on top of the world and others I will be crying as pathetically as the baby I'm supposed to be caring for.
These days I am mix of pure excitement and little nervous anxiety. I want to be a really good mother and I know there is so much I will need to learn in a very short period of time.
So I am turning all my faith over to my instincts because I believe all the knowledge I will need is already inside me. I just have to learn to listen. Here's to hoping anyways!! Thank God my mom and dad, my mother and father-in-law, and my husband will be around in the begining to help me figure it all out!