Thursday, July 29, 2010

A LONG Mental Gestation

I'm officially the last of my friends in real life who is still pregnant. My good friend and prenatal yoga buddy just gave birth yesterday...a week and a half early. Our due dates were only 3 days apart. I had two other women who were pregnant with me (they were both about 8 weeks ahead of me) and it was so fun to be around them when we all had our baby bumps. They've all had their babies now (all went early to boot) and I'm the only one left wondering when mine will decide to show up. I still have 13 days until my due date, so I realize I shouldn't hold my breath...Chances are I'll probably go late since they were all so early....

It's just this...I FEEL like I've been pregnant for almost a year now. I know you other IVF mommas out there will get me on this one. When you make the decision to get underway with an IVF cycle you're already in the mindset of being pregnant. Your daily focus is on prenatal vitamins, hormone injections, ovary sonograms, doctors appointments and eating healthy. We are completely aware that our bodies may be on the verge of pregnancy so we mentally have already begun our gestation. The truth is, it could be two months of this before we are actually pregnant. By the time we actually conceived we have been thinking about this pregnancy day in and day out for weeks and weeks or even months.

So my other friends (one excluded because she conceived via IUI so she went through a lot of that mental prep) found out they were pregnant weeks or months after I had already committed to this daily routine of "being pregnant." Two of them have had their babies for 2 months or more and the last friend (who was due right when I was due) already has her baby in her arms too!!! When is it my turn?!?! I know this sounds crazy and impatient, but it's truly where I am right now.

I feel like I have been pregnant forever and I'm having trouble seeing the end. I have the same feelings that I did when everyone else around me was getting BFPs and I was always stuck with a BFN. Now I realize that there is a baby inside me and eventually she will show up, but in the mean time I feel left out from my group of peers especially since their pregnancies seemed to be so much shorter than mine. (In reality two of them were since they delivered at 33 weeks and 37 weeks...I am just starting my 39th week!) I started this IVF cycle October 1st, I translate that as being the day I learned I was pregnant if I were like most women who wake up one morning and can just pee on a stick...and surprise! If this were the case, my due date would have been sometime around June 11th. It's now July 29th and I still have two more weeks...and that's assuming that she's not late. Ugh! So here's my point...I have already been mentally pregnant for 10 full months (Oct thru July). I have learned of new pregnancies and since gone to meet their babies....and I'm STILL pregnant!!

Can anyone tell that I'm feeling beyond READY!!! I know I sound like a whiny little bitch, but please spare me the nasty comments. I realize how fortunate I am to even be pregnant. I'm trying chill. I really am....I just wish that I still had a pregnant friend around me........tick tock, tick tock......another month is about to start and I feel like this baby is never going to arrive....

This waiting is making me CRAZY!!

(Thanks for reading my venting session...I feel much better now. I know she will be here soon....I know, I really don't need to tell me that. It's just that I'm so SO READY to meet my baby after trying to conceive her for 3 years. It's hard to sit back and relax and just really is.)

I'll leave you with this picture...I took my 7 year old niece to the zoo a few weeks ago and we came across this pregnant rhino. They have a 16 month gestation period and she was in her 12th month. It was so hot and she was just wallowing in the water with birds climbing on her...I really felt for that old girl!!! I feel like I'm on Rhino-gestation time!!!!! HA!


  1. Aw, I'm sorry, Cilla ... I can imagine how frustrated you're feeling! When you're dealing with IF nothing seems to be on a "normal" time frame. I know you must be uncomfortable and also just ready to get on with this new life you've pictured for yourself with your little girl. Now you're totally mentally prepared and still have to wait and that's really difficult, especially if your friends already had their babies and there's no one to commiserate with!

    Hang in there -- you are so, so close now. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time this waiting will feel like a distant dream!! =)

  2. I so understand what you are saying. Feel the same way. However I had mentally prepaired myself for only 41 week tops. But to day I met with the docter and as she is just average size (actually slightly below average) they want to let nature take it´s course. In my heart I know it is best to go into labour yourself. But as my mother has had 42 wekks and plus some days before she was induced, I would just like to get it over with at 41 week if I haven´t had her by then. But no I might need to wait until 24th of august (42 weeks) before I get finally to met her. I have only been waiting for 5 years so a few weeks shouldn´t matter. But I´m desperate I wan´t her to be here now.

  3. I feel ya and I'm only 14 weeks!! I think a lot of it, aside from already mentally preparing yourself prior to getting pregnant, is the fact that we've all waited and prayed for so long ... so when it gets down to the last few days, weeks, or even months ... you're just ready!!

    You're really not that far away and I bet she'll be here before you know it!! Maybe just try to stay occupied?? I'm guessing she comes before her due date (I really think she will ... I'm not just trying to make you feel better!! lol)

    Hang in there!!

  4. Ha! I love the pregant rhino! thats what I feel like! I know im only at 34 weeks but my body feels like I cant hold another week! I have had so many "false alarms" I begining to feel like the day will never come for me! my belly is measuring at 42 weeks with these babies and im ready to explode! but then i feel really bad ever "complaining" about it, because I wanted this SO bad! you know... good luck! I'm sure you'll go before I do!

  5. I think the fact that us IF girls have struggled so hard for these babies makes the wait seem even harder too. My pregnancy seems like it's been forever because for over 2 years, I've been taking medications, getting u/s, going to regular doctor appts, avoiding alcohol, etc. I hope your little girl makes her appearance very soon!!!

  6. This whole IF this is one wait after the next! I think it is only fair that sweet Morgan come early! I do hope she makes her apperiance very soon and can snuggle in your arms. (((HUGS)))