I have been feeling sharp cramps, very low and on the left side. They have been persistent and pretty acute since about 11 am. I want so much to believe that it's implantation cramping since today is 8 days past ovulation, (retrieval in my case) and implantation is supposed to happen 6-10 days after ovulation...so day 8, today, seems perfect! At the same time I am terrified to get my hopes up too high. Despite my blog yesterday I still feel like I need to stay on the fence to protect myself some. WHO KNOWS!! This two week wait is making my lose my mind a little!!
Being with family today for Thanksgiving dinner was really nice and helped to distract me, but at the same time it kinda makes it worse. I want so much for next year's holidays to be completely different with a newborn in my arms. I have wished for this for 3 years now. The fact that a cousin of mine has a 14 month old baby who was the center of attention the whole day didn't make things any easier. My dad loves babies, so if one's around it inevitably ends up in his arms for most of the time they are around. As sweet as that is, it's becoming harder and harder on me to watch. I have wanted to see him holding MY baby for SO LONG now that it really is almost unbearable to watch him with my cousin's baby. I know how horrible that must sound.
It all just makes me pray even harder for these cramps to be my baby(ies) burrowing into my uterine lining to stick around and grow strong. I want so much to move forward into a pregnancy and let go of these envious feelings that infertility evokes.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
The Resurrection
3 years ago
I am so right there with you on the seeing your dad with a baby in his arm! I didn't even go to my hometown this year to see my nephews - it's just too hard. And then you feel guilty about your feelings and it's an endless cycle!!
ReplyDeleteEverything is crossed that those are good cramps!!! Keep the positive vibes going! =)
Of my dozens of cousins there are four on one side that are all really close in age- we are the "four girls". I was married for over a year before even one of them got married, and now they all have babies except me :( I'm sorry about that pain.
ReplyDeleteBut hopefully next year your little one(s) will be the center of attention!!! Day 8 sounds good for impl. to me!
Cramping at this time is a really good sign! I hope you're able to get your mind off it somewhat as you wait for your beta.
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