Day 27 - Hope!

I am feeling MUCH better now. The first couple of days of Lupron were weird, but now I feel pretty normal and I'm still smiling! Today is the 6th day of injecting. My doctor told me keep going with the Lupron until I get a period then to call him right away. He said that it normally takes about 12 days for that to happen, but I may not get a period, and in that case I am to call his office after 14 days of Lupron regardless. At that point I will go in for some blood work to make sure my ovaries are 'suppressed.' If they are my doctor will tell me when to start using the stimulation medication. It's really moving along now and I am getting more excited by the day! If all goes according to plan we will have pregnancy test in roughly 1 month! Oh I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE it's positive!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was sorting through my closet today switching out my summer tank-tops for my winter sweaters. I keep the out-of-season stuff in one of our guest room closets so that the closet I share with Ben in our bedroom isn't too cluttered in any given season. Every time I go into that guest room I think about the visions I had when we first moved in. I imagined it with a crib, a rocking chair and a little changing station....the perfect baby room. While I was hanging up my summer things for the winter, I thought about the next time I would be getting them back out. I felt a jolt of excitement when I realized that it's possible I could be 4 or 5 months pregnant and most of the tanks wouldn't fit over my belly then. That would be AMAZING!! Oh I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE I'm pregnant then!!!!!!!!!!!!

The idea of actually being pregnant has become a novel idea to me. When you want and picture something for so long it makes a home in your imagination and the thought of it actually becoming real seems really far fetched. I will never stop believing it CAN happen for me, but I know I will be utterly shocked when it does because I've gotten so accustomed to NOT being pregnant month after month. I'm not saying that I don't think this IVF can work (I'm really praying that it does), but I've never been pregnant, EVER, so to be told, "you're pregnant," is something that would seem very surreal. AND WONDERFUL!!!! Again, I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE it's positive!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is mostly what goes through my mind these days as I inject each evening. With the daily medication I try to give myself a dose of HOPE too, to wash away all the fear.